I never mean to be dishonest about who I am, but I have this compulsion to always show the happy, optimistic facet of who I am to the majority of people. Well, and to tell the truth, I have found that if I put the blues aside and show the happy, well-adjusted person I want to be, then it is easier to forget about the blue mood. In short I am able to lead myself into seeing a brighter side of life.
Yet here I am typing out my woes for anyone to read. In large part that is probably due to a news reporter I heard out of a Sioux Falls T.V. station talking about the large number of people who are in bad moods and dealing with the winter blues.
Wow! What a release. To know that I am not alone. Other people too are feeling a little down, a little cranky, and a little like they might bite someone's head off if that person were to look at you wrong. There is such power in knowing that you do not walk a path alone.
That knowledge helped me in another way as well. As many of you may know I struggle with depression and have been on an anti-depressant for a while. I have been doing very well with this and I have a good support group around me that helps a great deal. Yet still when I start to feel down or blue, there is always the fear that something is out of whack once again. So to hear that this is not just me, took a great deal of worry out of the equation. Once again that feeling of not being alone just set my mind at ease and helped me see that there is nothing wrong per say, I am just human.
So Why am I sharing this with so many people? Well it could be that I just feel the need to reach out to someone, and my normal support group people are, at minimum a 3 hour drive away, and most of the people I would talk to about it live a couple thousand miles away.
And why am I feeling this way? Hmm, well take your pick. It could be the loneliness eluded to above. It could be that I am ready for winter to come to an end, because let's face it even if you have a good attitude towards winter it still wares on you, and this has been a tough winter! Maybe it is that I haven't seen family in 6 months. Or it could be because in August I will be finished here and I will not have any idea what is next for me for at least 2 months. Maybe it is because my birthday is coming up and I always get a little blue before my birthday. Or it could even be that I am just an emotional girl and go through moods now and then. It could even be a combination of all of these things.
Hey, at least I know I am not reacting out of the norm. That list is enough to make even me give me a break!
I do assure you, there is no need to worry. I am doing well all around. Although I am really looking forward to March when I will be in Arizona for a week, surrounded by all of the family I can handle!
I found that writing is such an outlet for me. I, too, struggle with depression, especially in these cold months. As you know, a body that grows up in AZ needs sunshine more than other people. At least mine does. :)
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