Well here it is February 1st.

Where does the time go? And the really scary part of it all is that January seemed long to me in the midst of it. Yet that was just an illusion, and time was blurring past me just as fast as ever. In fact today starts the sixth month of my internship.

As I am gearing up for all that the sixth month mark means for internship, I have been pondering the value of time. All of the mid-term evaluations will be completed this month, so in effect we will be determining the value of the time that I have spent here. This means trying to find a way to measure the success and value of what I am doing here.

There is no real quantitative or even objective way to truly measure my time here. There are certainly things we look at. A whole list of things with standards to measure them by. But nothing concrete. There is no tally I can look at and say, "Yes, I was successful because of X or Y."

Trying to figure this out makes me understand why some people keep track of things like the number of souls they have saved, or the number of confessions and promises of repentance they have received. It gives a concrete way to apply value to the time and work that a person has applied to a place. There are times when I long for this type of concrete evidence that what I am doing is worthwhile. Yet the number of lives that are touched during my time here or anywhere will forever remain a mystery to me. As it should.

I followed this path because I made a conscious decision to follow God. That means leaving the true value of my time up to God. My supervisor, intern committee, and I can all sit and reflect on the job I am doing. We can offer subjective responses to subjective questions. the true value of my time here though will be determined by God and by God alone. My guess would be that it will be measured over God's time as well.

This is one of the truths I have learned over my time of following God. We don't get to decide what is important and what is not. God does. When we try to make that decision, we end up with practices like counting saved souls, and flaunting our piety.

So as frustrating as it is I will never know the "results" of my time in Southwestern Minnesota. I do know that I am enjoying it, and I am growing. I know that it has helped me prepare for the road ahead. (Probably it has helped prepare me in ways that I will never even guess at!) I also know that I am grateful for this time, frustrations, times of loneliness, challenges, accomplishments, and all else that goes with it.