I was prepared for the cold 10 degree day that had been forecasted. I was layered and bundled and had extra clothes in the car just in case. I was a little excited actually because it would be the first day I would get to wear the new down coat I had bought on clearance earlier that year.
While I was loading the car that morning, I noticed an odd sensation, almost like a building sneeze, but after rubbing my nose the sensation was gone and I was busy and afraid of being late so I thought nothing of it. Later that day as the class moved from one building to the next, the strange sensation would occur again and again. It was as the sun was setting that I finally caught on to what I was feeling.
You see in Minnesota, (and I am sure various other places as well) breathing in the winter is dangerous to one's health. The air gets so cold, that when one breathes in through the nose, the air instantly freezes said nose's hairs. There is no real worry that first time because the hairs defrost again during the exhale, if the exhale is done through the nose of course. By the third time air has been pulled through the nose though, even the tiniest amount of snot that may have been present has now been freeze-dried and has become thin little flakes that tickle the nose as air is sent out. At this point the nose is being tickled upon breathing in because it is being frozen, and upon breathing out because of these paper thin flakes of freeze-dried snot. It is quite the experience let me tell you.
But wait there is more! After the 5th or 6th attempt to breathe, the body has begun to rally to the nose's defense. This defense is that liquid rushes into the nasal cavities. I suppose this keeps the delicate skin from becoming frostbitten, however it also means that the nose begins to drip and leak like a faucet that has been unattended in a dank cold, basement for fifty years. A normal person's reaction is to sniff. So now there are frozen nose hairs and lots of frozen snot in the nose. A moment of this and soon it becomes difficult to breathe through the nose.
What to do? One has to breathe. (I have tried avoiding this compulsion. Sadly it does not work.) So again nature takes over and one opens the mouth and takes a breath. Fabulous. Freeze-dried lungs. So breathe through your scarf nimrod, that's what real Minnesotans do! One might think to one's self.
Ahhh. Finally a normal breath! All is well.
...Until the moisture from the breath begins to collect in the scarf and work its way through the layers to the other side. Once it has reached the other side of the scarf and touches the air, the scarf begins to freeze.
Plus, now the nose is really leaking and it and the lip are so numb from the air that one can't tell that it is escaping the nose and freezing to the upper lip.
Of course it is hard to tell by this point if it is snot frozen to the face, or if it is the tears that have been forcing their way out of wind tortured and half frozen eyes.
Trust me, by the time one gets back into the warmth of a 60 degree room one thinks, All that to get the mail?
***The intention of this is to find humor in the reality of harsh winters. I promise I am doing well and my nose, eyes, and lips are still all functioning properly!
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