I've been growing things.

You wouldn't know it to look at my 'garden', which is momentarily home to a lone little cherry tomato plant still boldly growing next to the remains of three sadly departed cucumber plants and lying 15 feet away from three struggling strawberry plants.

But truly I have been growing things. They are all inside the house. Safe in little peat pots, hidden from the brutal wind and scorching sun.

I have been watching these things all grow from seeds into little plants. I am fascinated by the whole process. Particularly the way each seed (regardless of what it is, avocado, basil, pepper, chili, bean, broccoli, spinach, or carrot) sprout in the same way. For days there was nothing to see while roots spread out, and then suddenly, a hint of green, and by the next day two little leaves were poking out of the soil on a stem that seems to fragile to support even one leaf let alone two, yet there they are. Two little leaves branching out from the root to reach out to the world and gather the sunlight.

I'm too scared to plant all these little growing things in the garden. It's so safe in the house. Outside in the little patch of ground that I inevitably forget about, how will they survive? In the house, on my kitchen table, I can't help but remember them.

But everyday they grow more, and that growth allows them to lean even more to the outside world that waits, and the sun that lives there beckoning to these fragile little green things. They need to be planted. They need to spread roots and reach their leaves further up into the sky.

I'm encouraged by the fields I pass day after day. Watching dirt suddenly erupt into thousands of tiny little plants with two little leaves reaching out, facing the wind, the sun, the animals. It is what they are meant to do. The fields give me hope that my little plants will survive in my little garden. Despite me.

There is something else I have seen. Now maybe it is just the fact that I have been trying to think of a way to preach on the Trinity all week, but I am struck at how each plant begins in the same way. Roots, stem, and those two little leaves.

Now I am not one to try to find a metaphor for the Trinity in everything from water, to life roles, to plants be it apples, clovers, or newly sprouted seeds. However, what has struck me is how essential the idea of three parts really is in our world. Of course that is why so many of the natural worlds phenomena have lent themselves to be models in our attempt to explain this complex understanding of God. So many things in the world have three parts, or three states; peel, flesh, seed; core, mantle, crust; solid, liquid, vapor.

The natural world is not the only place we see this occur either. Think of how many of our relationships exist in this pattern. Father, mother, child. Student, teacher, parent(s). Wife, Husband, God.

There is something about three parts making up a whole that makes it so much stronger, so much more able to face adversity, strife, and difficulty. Like my little plants, the three parts help it be grounded, upright, and reaching out and up to the sky, without fear of the wind overcoming the whole of it.

None of these things is a perfect model of the Trinity of course. After all, if I would have to hazard a guess, I would say that our creator modeled this idea of three parts making up the whole, three beings forming one relationship, from the pre-existence of the Trinity and the communion that had always been.

"I still have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them now." These are the words Jesus speaks in John 16:12. There is so much that we can not bear or understand now. Yet we struggle and grapple and fight with it all anyway. We try so hard to understand this idea of Trinity that I think we fail to recognize that anything we grasp hold of to illustrate it will always pale in comparison, because they are only reflections of the original. Human kind wants to know, to understand, to have the control over it by having the knowledge of it all. It is so hard to let it go of the need to put our heads around the knowledge and just accept what is.

Well my little plants have to be put into the ground. I have to trust that God created them in a way that will enable them to survive in the environment they were meant to live in.

As for preaching on the Trinity? I suppose my message is less one of trying to understand, and more one of living into the blessing we have in Gd who can relate to us in three such unique ways, and who cares enough about us to do so.

'Aren't you on a terminal.. uh, I mean a fourth year internship?"

I chuckled in my head when this question was asked of me a few weeks ago.

I had heard the term before. Terminal Internship. It is a phrase used for those of us who are doing internship last and not going back to seminary for a year prior to ordination.

It makes sense. This internship is terminal in the sense that it is the end of my time in seminary. I suppose the joke in it is that it is the end of life as I know it as well. Ok, who am I kidding, the joke is that it is the end of having any sort of life outside of the parish for which you work.

I get it. I do. Yet I have to confess that the reason I chuckled this time, was because I have always pictured something different when I hear this phrase.

I picture, not a hospital room or a sickness, or funeral, but rather an airport terminal. I see the business of travelers rushing to catch their flights to whatever destination they are going to.

For me that is exactly what this 'terminal' internship is. It is not a death, but a passing through. I am going through internship on my way to the next stop on my journey.

I love journeys, particularly the journey of life. (Hence the name of the blog!) Passing through an airport terminal is one of the highlights of any journey for me. The people, the excitement, the anticipation. Whether you are going or coming there is so much to look at, see, experience and anticipate.

The longer I have thought about it, the more I like this application for the word terminal in general. A terminal anything is what we are passing through on the way to our next destination.

Life then is terminal. It is a terminal. It is what we are passing through on our way to a more complete relationship with God.

Thank you to all of you who join me on this journey. I love you all and I am so glad that you are part of this terminal life.

Okay call me crazy, but I like Synod Assemblies.

They wear me out; I am a tried and true introvert after all. Yet I like them.

It's kind of like the church's version of Gilligan's Island just, sadly, without the tropical locale.

After all Gilligan's Island was meant to be a social statement, or question really; "What happens when you take a microcosm of society and strand them together on an isolated island?' Synod Assemblies have the same affect. After all we are taking a small percentage of the church as a whole and putting them together in a closed room for 2-3 days with minimal contact to the outside world. Of course then we throw in extra fun bonuses like trying to talk about difficult and controversial issues, and even make decisions on those issues.

Comparing it to Gilligan's Island, of course only applies when everyone, with their varying views, thoughts, agendas, hopes, and dreams, can find a way to get along and really love and respect each other.

There are times when it turns in to Survivor and two differing camps try to vote each other off the island, or at least out of the denomination. We have all seen this happen (even in other groups and meetings if you have never had the joyous opportunity to be at a Synod Assembly). Factions form. Alliances are made with people you normally would not associate with. Harsh words are spoken. Emotions run high. Before anyone is aware of what has happened, the people we all once gathered with to make the world a better place, have become part of the problem in the world of the church. All the snarling and infighting has closed us in and made us seem unwelcoming, distant, and not at all Christ-like. All because we let the 'prize', the reward of being the one 'right' way to think and be, become our sole focus.

However, even though this has happened at the assemblies I have been to at points, most of the time it is the easier (not easy, but easier) camaraderie of people from all walks of life learning how to relate to each other. Learning that the 'professor' will take for ever to figure out and analyze a problem, but that the information and solutions he comes up with will be invaluable. Seeing that the 'Howell's' may seem removed and snotty, but that they have hearts of gold and when they see what they can do to help, they will be beyond generous. We find out that 'Ginger' is not merely shallow and fake, but that her energy and vibrancy will help things be accomplished AND be well done (dare I say attractive to outsiders?). We see that the 'Captain' has leadership, that nothing would be possible without 'Mary Ann's' willingness to take care of people, and we see that 'Gilligan' can befriend anyone with his laid back attitude and open compassion.

At Synod Assemblies, we see that people do not always have to get along. We do not always have to agree. The 'right' way to do church is to not focus on one way, because that will ever be 'right' for all. We find the strengths of all cover the weaknesses of others. We find that voting people off the island only hurts the people who stay on the island.

Yes, I like Synod Assemblies. They give us a chance to see in detail and concentration, the colorful beauty of the whole church.

Balance

Recently I heard someone talking about balance. I have always been all about balance. I like balance. Balance between the far left and the far right. Balance between work and play. Balance between thinking you are good for nothing and thinking that you are the best at everything. These things are what we call being well-adjusted and healthy people. Balance is what I strive for everyday.

Yet this person, and I honestly can not remember who it was that was saying this or where it was that I was talking to this person, was saying that when it comes to a relationship with God we are automatically unbalanced. When it comes to a life lived as a disciple we will never be able to achieve balance. This is because God is so much greater than we are. We are receiving so much more in this relationship than God is. By the very nature of what we are and who God is, the entire thing is out of balance. So we should seek a middle ground in life, a center place between extremes, but we should embrace the imbalance that comes from a life lived as a child of God.

I have been pondering this this morning because I am feeling so out of balance today. Shaky, insecure, and a little frightened. Therefore the balance that I seek for in my life on a daily basis, seems to be gone.

Yet in this shaky world that I am wondering around in today, I recognize that it is the unbalanced relationship that I have with God that is still keeping me centered. I may be out of balance. I may be leaning more heavily on God than on myself today. (Let's face it even though I love and trust God I still like to rely on me to get through life. Stubborn pride apparently has not been something I have been able to loose in my quest for balance.) I may even be a little lost in my own thoughts. However, because God is so much more than I am, it is He that keeps me upright, that keeps me able to find the center.

Today I am resting on the unbalanced relationship that I have with God to keep me grounded. Silly me for ever thinking that I was the one finding balance. Really, when will I learn that all things are indeed possible through God but it is because God gives the strength to do them, and that I have really no control over it.

Well, like I said, stubborn pride.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through God who strengthens me.

I have planned to write an entry about how you know you are a rural pastor. I plan for it to be fun and reflective about some of the things I have learned here in Southwestern MN. Today I have learned about more to put on this list, but it is SOOOO very funny that I have to share it with you before my year is up and I write that list.

As I type this I am stuck in the mud of a minimum maitainance road waiting for a parishioner and her husband to come extract my half buried car from the muck. Now if I had only called for directions instead of googeling it I would have been fine. Or even if I had stopped at the turn off when I saw that it was not so much a road as a more packed lane of mud than the surrounding fields and called them I would have been fine. I had, however, forgotten to write down their number. So instead of calling other people to get it, I just figured I would get through it on my own.

I actually made it quite a ways with my tough little car, that was once white. Then I saw it. Looming ahead of me was a giant puddle. To this Arizona girl it looked more like a lake. I know enough to have known at the time that this was a bad sign. I tried to think of a way to turn around. But the ‘road’ was so deteriorated that I feared if I veered even slightly off of the previous tracks I would be stuck in a field. At this point I saw no options. So I inched forward.

BIG mistake! At the very least I should have backed up and built up some speed to try to get through it. Instead I inched and crawled, and then suddenly nothing.

Did I call anyone at this point? No. I am a strong intelligent woman and I have gotten myself unstuck before. So I tried to rock my way out by going back and forth.

Note to you all: this does not work in midwest-farm-field-early-spring-soggy-mud.

The only direction I moved was farther into the ooze.

So here I sit, shoeless because I stepped out of the car to try to see if I could get out and the mud ate my shoes. Literally I had to fight with the mud to get my foot out of one of the shoes and it disappeared below the service. I do not need it back enough to have actually dug for it.

So I gave up. I called Shalom Hill Farm and got the number for the members' whose house I was on the way too and called them.

Well now I see my hero coming. No knight in shining armor on a white steed for me, no chugging towards me are two farmers in rubber boots in a muddy tractor. I can live without the white knight! These guys are practical.

Gotta go....

So the saga was not quite over I learned. After hooking up a rope to my car I learned that my battery had died as I sat there with the radio on. They had to tow me all the way back to their farm. Oh, and the tractor was backwards because they would have gotten stuck trying to turn around also.

But the beauty of small town and rural life is that they hooked my battery up to a charger that they have in the garage and let it charge while we shared lunch and laughed over the whole incident.

I was just beginning to think I was starting to loose the ‘city girl’ aura!

Interwoven Community

Saturday was a example in the great variety of ways that community is built into our lives to be a blessing to us.

The ministry team had received word on Friday that a member was in critical condition up in Rochester. So early Saturday morning I set out on the three hour drive to visit and spend time with this member and his family. Now this is part of our job, part of what we are paid to do. I think, however, that people do not realize that in our ministering to them, they often minister to us as well. This was the case for me in visiting this man and his family.

By the time I arrived, he was doing much better, so the fear that had been clinging to his wife and son, had begun to unlatch it's hold. I was able instead to watch the way this family interacted. I was most struck by the beauty, elegance, and raw care that I saw in his wife's treatment. She was able to hold on to her strength and compassion with a patience that spoke directly to my heart.

I can hope that I brought them some amount of comfort. I know however that I left that room with a lighter heart and a refreshed view of marriage, family, and love.

When the visits I had were complete, I drove an extra hour to have dinner with a friend in the Cities. We sat talking about our lives, our future goals, our fears about the future, and where we saw God moving in our own lives as well as one another's. The weight on my shoulders that can come from 'handling' life alone fell away as we talked.

Friendship like this, so open, so honest and able to hold each other up while holding each other accountable, is such a blessing from God. It is also a reminder that we can not go through any journey completely alone. It is necessary to have people along for the ride. Plus it makes it so much more fun! I would not be able to make it through life, let alone internship without such friends!

After leaving the St. Paul, I decided to stop and get Starbucks for the road. (I have managed quite nicely with no coffee shop closer than 20 miles away and no Starbacks closer than Sioux Falls, but I never pass up an opportunity to visit one when such an opportunity exists!) As I ordered, my mind was racing towards Sunday morning and all that I had to do before it came. I was so tempted to just order and leave. But the barista showed her shock when I asked for an extra shot in my Venti Americano. I laughed and said that I had a long drive. We ended up talking for about 20 minutes. It was a simple conversation really, but her kind words replayed throughout my drive home, and my spirit was renewed in purpose through this casual encounter.

Community comes in so many shapes, colors, experiences, and faces. It is not just the people who live within a few miles of us. It is not just the people in the same church, or organization, or school.

Community is in the world, in every interaction that we have with God's creation. It comes in every smile, every word, gesture, and look that passes between the people we meet.

In the midst of all of this community there is ministry happening. Whether it is the ministry that fits into the mold, or the ministry that happens as friends simply act within that friendship, or the ministry that results when two strangers recognize God's presence in the other, it is ministry. It is the sharing of lives, of faiths, of spirit and of God's love.

Community and ministry are so tightly interwoven that at times, like Saturday, it is hard to recognize one without the other.

Thank God that it was not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 1)

Casual Interactions

During my time in Japan, I began to value the countless daily interactions with nameless people you pass in the store, or on the street.

I suppose that is a side effect of living in a situation that can be so isolated that those may very well be the only interactions you have with people.

The result was that I began to utilize every single potential interaction with another human being to its fullest capacity, learning that I can gain some sort of human companionship from the briefest exchange. I began intentionally making eye contact with strangers, offering a smile, and in Japan the ever so slight upper body bow that I had become accustomed to. I started taking advantage of the few words I knew to have a meaningless conversation with every sales clerk, shop keeper, and janitor I came into contact with, and they became some of the most meaningful conversations of my life.

I am glad to say that I brought this new attitude back home with me 5 years ago (5 YEARS!?!).

I have watched how this can affect the people I interact with. I have seen how it can brighten someone's day that a customer asks how his or her day is going. I have experienced the brightening of my own day when a complete stranger returns my smile and hello. However, I have also noticed that I am most often the one to initiate the contact, and that it almost always surprises others.

Yesterday though something was different. Yesterday it was I who was surprised.

I had several things to get done yesterday in town, one of which was to take one of our members around to do his various errands. I was on a bit of a tight schedule since I had to be back in time for our Lenten meal and service. I also have to admit that I was a little annoyed with the person I was helping (this may very well become its own blog update!). All of this to say that I was a little rushed and not as intentional as I usually am about these interactions.

Yet I began to notice through the County offices, the Post Office, the convenience store, and then Walmart, that people were greeting me, before I could greet them. Halfway through Walmart I really began to wonder about this. Especially as several people smiled and said hello.

As I passed through the produce section my ponderings were answered as an employee (who I do not know by the way) said, "Can I help you find something Pastor?" Ah, yes the clergy collar.

In my ever growing knowledge of life in a small community on the prairie I had learned that sometimes a quick trip into the larger town of Worthington (especially with this particular member and unreliable weather) can often end up being not so quick. So I had intentionally dressed for the entire day. I had forgotten however that I had slipped the collar tab into the blouse when I had dressed so that I would not leave it on the bathroom sink; again. I had intended to remove it, slip it into my purse, and un-button the top button so it only looked like I have no fashion sense. Instead I received a sociology lesson.

The people who greeted me so warmly were very genuine. I never once felt like it was a greeting out of obligation. It still showed a distinct difference. I suppose I could assume that it is because the position of pastor still has an authority figure essence to it so it commands a certain respect. I could assume that or a million other things.

I choose to see it as people embracing a reminder that God is present in their lives daily. The genuineness of people's warmth and kindness yesterday shows me that just the reminder that God is working in their midst, even while shopping or getting gas, makes them feel a little lighter, a little more free, and definitely more loved.

It certainly made me stop and reflect about how blessed I am to be called into this vocation.