I saw this picture today on a friend's facebook page...







The power of it struck me breathless. 
My heart pounded.
My eyes watered.
My soul cried out a silent prayer that echoed across time.
            "Thank you God for reminding me."

I am where I am meant to be.  I have never doubted it. It has been confirmed over and over again in the two years I have lived out my calling in New Rockford.

Yet I have felt restless lately.  Restless and yet lethargic at the same time.  Bound by an old longing that is new everyday.  Haunted by a deep insecurity that makes me fear that longing will never be fulfilled.  The fear and insecurity are tethered to me like weights at times.  They keep me grounded, when I should be soaring.

I get this way around my birthday every year. 
One more year that I am single. 
One year closer to letting go of the hope of having children.

I say this not to look for sympathy. 
        I don't want that.
There is no need to say the normal comebacks; "You still have time.", "So and so didn't have kids until....", "Women in their forties are having babies all the time."
        These are not only not helpful, often they hurt more.

I simply state my reality. 
It is what it is. Normally.
But every now and then it lingers near the weak spots in my heart and threatens to overshadow the many blessings in my life. 

Most days I face life with energy, hope, and the knowledge that life the way it is is great.  I do love where I am and what God has called me to do.  I have no regrets about past choices, or the journey I am on. 

Then the loneliness creeps in like a fog. 

Though I never forget or question that I belong here, I do forget to breathe.  I freeze and let fear and insecurity take root in my lungs, and the breathe of God has no room to move.

When I saw this today, I was struck in the chest with the power of it.  The stagnant air forced out taking the fear with it.  Only beauty and hope remained.  And the Spirit poised on my lips awaiting my next breath. 

When I inhaled, I breathed in the life that Paul speaks of, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs to deep for words.' Romans 8:26

I know God has called me here.   Now, God, help me remember to breathe.  Amen.