I am a dork.

I just am.  

I wish I wasn’t, but I am. 

I try not to be, but I am.

I work on trying to be cool and not a dork, but I am.

My latest act of extreme dorkiness has me still pink with the shame and embarrassment of my incredibly naïve, sheltered, privileged, dorkiness.

I went to see Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber in Grand Forks at an event titled Outrageous Faith.  

After being actively engaged through laughter, after nodding in agreement until I looked like a bobble head, and after finding a new level of respect for what I don’t agree with, I waited in line to meet her.  

And have her sign her book.

Oh, but wait, the book I had already ordered and received was sitting on a table at home two hours away.  So I first stood in line to buy another book.  And instead of buying one book, having her sign it and then trade books with my friend who had gone with me, I bought two books.  That way we could each have a signed copy.  Besides, what good pastor doesn’t need two copies of a book that is hilarious, easy to understand, AND theologically sound and Lutheran.  That doesn’t happen often.  

Yes, this is enough to make me a dork, but sadly it is not the dorktacular move of the evening.  

No, I waited in another line for that.  

As I waited to meet her, I gushed about how much I really like and respect her.  I went on and on about how amazing she is.  And in my head I thought and thought and thought about how to express my gratitude for who and what she is to the Lutheran church in particular and more importantly to the Church, without sounding like a certifiably crazy stalker.  

(I am of course a crazy stalker, but I did not want to sound that way.)

When I got to the table I smiled, swallowed down my giddiness and blurted out, “As one of those born and breed Lutheran pastors, thank you for your unique voice.” As the words flew out of my mouth and I saw the slightly shocked expression on her face, the gracious smile and the even more gracious, “Thank You,” the 14 year old girl inside that always wanted to be cool cringed.  And the rest of my snarky self thought, “Really?  Really?  After hours and hours of thinking of what you would say, THIS is what you come up with?”

I suppose it was a decently abbreviated form of what I thought.  But it was not what I meant.

What I meant was;

“Thank you.  Thank you for being enough of an outsider in the Lutheran world that you see what is really Lutheran and what is not.  You see through the cultural trappings of upper-mid-western Scandinavian and German heritage.  You see through the often passive-aggressive fill-in-the-ota niceness (as in North Dakota nice) that means you politely thank someone for helping them in some way, and then immediately go to inform the pastor that that person can never work in this capacity again because they do it differently than 'we do it here'.  You see through the reserved nature of the ‘native’ Lutheran people’s hesitancy to change and their confusion of what is Church tradition and what is their congregation’s tradition.  You see through all of the crap, to the real heart of what it means to be Lutheran, that God’s love and grace is sufficient for all people in a way we could never even begin to grasp, let alone fully understand.

And I meant thank you for choosing to share that message.  Thank you for refusing to bow to the conventions of the cultural traditions.  Thank you for keeping your voice, so you can share that Lutheran message with people who are not born and breed in the mid-west culture that so often gets mis-represented as the Lutheran message.  Thank you for being you so you can share the God I know as a Lutheran pastor with all of those who have been hurt by this and other denominations.  Thank you for being who you are while embracing our message.  

Because by doing that you reach a group of people I never could. I in my culturally confused theological grasp of Luther’s teachings, could not share our message of hope with the world who needs it.   

I have no doubt that THE CHURCH will not only survive, but it will thrive.  I do however, believe that it will change.  It will change in a way that no one can predict.  It will change in a way that frankly, I am excited about.

And because you have come into the Lutheran world and remained enough of an outsider to embrace the heart of the message without letting it change the way you voice it to the world, because of that, our message will be part of that change.  

As I stand in the gap between the people you can reach, and the ones who are stuck in that culture wrapped Lutheran identity, I will do what I can to minister to the ones struggling to keep up.  I will fight to not lose those who remain rooted in the past and do not want the change that comes.  

But you, and all those who are like you, you will be the ones to mold the change.  To have an impact on whatever the Church begins to look like.  And because God has touched you through Lutheran practices, part of what the Church will look like is the message and hope of the Lutheran heart.  

So thank you for doing what I can’t.  

Thank you for following God’s call.

Thank you for working side by side, if only figuratively, with those of us who are trapped by the heritage and cultural confusion.

And thank you for ministering to me.”

That is more along the line of what I meant, but the giddy little girl who so wants to be friends with the cool and popular older girl got caught up in her own supposed importance and came out a blubbering mess.

So yes, I am a dork.

Yet, if there is one thing I have learned from Ms. Nadia Bolz-Weber, it is this: Be who you are, because God will work through that.  God is that capable.