I have been reading Luke 24:13-35 the past couple of weeks in preparation for this Sunday. 
This beautiful story occurs right after the women share the news of the resurrection as two disciples journey from Jerusalem to Emmaus.  

I love the complexity of the story and Christ's presence with in it. 

It reminds me a lot of hiking. 


I grew up literally across the street from South Mountain Park in Phoenix AZ.  I went hiking all the time, of course we just thought of it as playing in our front yard.  As an adult I began hiking it more and more while staying with my dad.  I used different trails, and really began exploring the park.


The thing is, while you are on a trail, this is pretty much all you see...






It is still pretty and nice, but you just see what you have left in front of you to climb.  Occasionally you look up and look around and see this...








A nice sight, true.  Especially in the spring or early summer (in Arizona desserts that would be  Feb.-May).  Yet, still you are looking only at what lies ahead.

Yet when you finish the hike, and look back at where you have been.....

Wow!  The sight can be ...




amazing...





spectacular...



breathtaking...






But you have to finish the trail to see it. 

Even if you take a breath and turn around in the midst of the trail, the whole view will not be available to you.  You have to get though the climb first.  And then you have to look back at where you have been.  I am amazed every time at it all: the view, where I came from, how far I have come, all of it!


This morning I was listening to Narrative Lectionary podcast on the Luther Seminary site workingpreacher.org.  Mary Hinkle-Shore was saying that when we are kept from recognizing Christ on our journey through something, we are given the gift of being able to look back on the journey later and see how Jesus was with us. 

A pretty amazing way to look at it, but it drives home the point that you have to finish the journey first. 

Kind of like the hike.

Once you finish the climb you can look back and recognize how Jesus has been with you all along.


Unlike the hike however, this recognition is not based on our merit, or strength, or ability to power through.  The ability to recognize Christ comes from Jesus revealing himself to us. 

We don't control it.

We simply walk by faith. The same faith that God gives us.

It is scary and humbling.

When we as Christians get to the summits of our journeys, we look back and see that we had nothing to do with it.  It was all God.

Now that is an amazing view!





(Pictures are non-copyright pictures from City of Phoenix website.)

I saw this picture today on a friend's facebook page...







The power of it struck me breathless. 
My heart pounded.
My eyes watered.
My soul cried out a silent prayer that echoed across time.
            "Thank you God for reminding me."

I am where I am meant to be.  I have never doubted it. It has been confirmed over and over again in the two years I have lived out my calling in New Rockford.

Yet I have felt restless lately.  Restless and yet lethargic at the same time.  Bound by an old longing that is new everyday.  Haunted by a deep insecurity that makes me fear that longing will never be fulfilled.  The fear and insecurity are tethered to me like weights at times.  They keep me grounded, when I should be soaring.

I get this way around my birthday every year. 
One more year that I am single. 
One year closer to letting go of the hope of having children.

I say this not to look for sympathy. 
        I don't want that.
There is no need to say the normal comebacks; "You still have time.", "So and so didn't have kids until....", "Women in their forties are having babies all the time."
        These are not only not helpful, often they hurt more.

I simply state my reality. 
It is what it is. Normally.
But every now and then it lingers near the weak spots in my heart and threatens to overshadow the many blessings in my life. 

Most days I face life with energy, hope, and the knowledge that life the way it is is great.  I do love where I am and what God has called me to do.  I have no regrets about past choices, or the journey I am on. 

Then the loneliness creeps in like a fog. 

Though I never forget or question that I belong here, I do forget to breathe.  I freeze and let fear and insecurity take root in my lungs, and the breathe of God has no room to move.

When I saw this today, I was struck in the chest with the power of it.  The stagnant air forced out taking the fear with it.  Only beauty and hope remained.  And the Spirit poised on my lips awaiting my next breath. 

When I inhaled, I breathed in the life that Paul speaks of, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs to deep for words.' Romans 8:26

I know God has called me here.   Now, God, help me remember to breathe.  Amen.

When the Dust Settles

My entire adult life has been a series of changes and moves. I taught for about ten years, but never staying more than two years in one school. My housing changed at an even more frequent rate. If you count college I have lived in 17 places in the past 20 years. The number of times I have moved however is greater since I lived with my Dad and my sister in the same location several times before or after a transition or move.

Most people would get tired just by thinking about that uprooted lifestyle. There are advantages to it though. Everything is always new and therefore exciting. When you are changing that often you are constantly learning, which I love. Nothing gets routine or boring. To top it all off, you rarely have to dust.

For the first time in my life, I now find myself in one place for more than two years. And there is no plan to change this in the near future, or even the distant future that I see.

There is a wonderful sense of stability and rootedness that I am very unfamiliar with. I love knowing that I do not have to leave my friends and the congregation and the town that I have come to love so much. I love watching the children of First grow up before my eyes. I get excited when I think about the children who will be in confirmation with me in a few years. I get to plan what I want to do differently next Advent and next Christmas. I get to help vision with a group AND know that I will be here to see the visioning begin to take shape into reality. The house I live in can be completely decorated. I can paint the walls! I can even buy furniture that I want to keep longer than a year. It is all lovely and fun and new in a way. I love so much of my new reality.

I do not, however, love the dusting.

You see that is the problem with roots and stability. They come with dust. They come with monotony and ruts and routines that allow dust to settle and gather. It seems to happen overnight too. One day the house was as cluttered, messy, and scattered as my house always is (and yes always will be!). The next day there were dust bunnies growing on shelves and cobwebs dancing in the morning light.

At any other time in my life, I would have ignored it for another week or month and just dusted things as I packed them.

But I have no plans to pack anything for years, which meant that before the Christmas party I had for the congregation I had to break down. I had to dust. Ugh. And I will have to keep dusting. I suppose it is a part of stability and structure. Oh how I long for my unstable and transitional life when I hold the dustcloth!

In the past month I have learned that it is not just furniture and nick-nacks that need to be dusted either. It is often relationships too.

I have been so used to saying good-bye soon after getting to know people, that I have forgotten what a long-term relationship is like. Sure I have stayed friends with people over the years, but texts, emails, skype, and visits help you keep the newness of everything. You never seem to get tired of people. More importantly, people have less time to get tired of, or annoyed with, me.

I have had an uncomfortable lesson recently. Like the furniture and nick-nacks, the relationships that I have cultivated need to be picked up, wiped off, examined for problems, and maybe even moved to a new location. The behavior that helped lead two people into a friendship, can often become cloying and sticky creating dust bunnies that need to be brushed away. Like a house, relationships can become worn with time and constant use. They need to be brightened up, repaired, given a fresh coat of paint and treated in a new way to maintain their shine. When a room in the house becomes stagnant to me, I re-arrange it. Why wouldn’t the relationships I have here also need to be arranged differently from time to time?

I have become rooted, and I love it. I do not however want to become rutted. I do not want my life to become monotonous. More importantly I do not that for the relationships in my life. Distance, change, and new surroundings are no longer my ‘get-out-free clause’. I need to learn to maintain a place and a life for a long period of time, because this time I will still be here when the dust settles.

Faith, Hope, and Love.

Like many people I love these words.  I love them strung together just like this as a simple phrase that reminds us how to live.  They are beautiful, simple, and powerful.  They speak the heart of the Gospel without preaching.  

They are words that can mean so much when they become actions and are the basis of a well-lived life. 

Recently though, these words have become actual people to me.  (Now let me say that all of my family and friends poses these qualities.)  Yet recently I have been spending quite a bit of time with three other women who have come to embody these words.   They each act in all of these ways, but something in who they are speaks to one word so strongly that I can no longer separate the woman form the word.  

It helps that one of the women is named Faith.  I am sure that is how it started.  Every time I saw a piece of jewelry or home decoration with the word faith on it, I immediately thought of her.  Over time I began to watch her faith in action and I began to see the childlike nature of the faith she holds.  It is not childlike because it is immature or simplistic.  It is childlike because it simply IS.  She has no need to explain or defend her faith.  There is no trying to assure others of how strong her faith is.  It simply is who and what she is.  There is probably no tangible way to explain it.  The closest I come to even understanding it is to remember the absolute certainty I had that my parents would pick me up from day-care. When I think of Jesus telling the disciples that they need faith like a child’s, this is what I imagine it to be.

As I have spent more and more time with these women, I have come to see how it was this idea of faith, hope, love that has really bonded us together.  We all share a faith in God that has seen us through difficult times.  It was through our family of faith that we even began to spend time together.  And it has been through the battle one of these women is waging with cancer that we have all learned what real hope looks and acts like.  

So often in this world we confuse hope with a wish.  We ‘hope’ for many things; a good life; prince charming; money; a good grade on the test; etc.  Really what we are doing is wishing.  A wish might or might not happen.  It might not even be based in reality.  Often even if we get what we wish for we are disappointed.  A wish is based in the fairly-tale realm which we so often confuse with happiness.

Hope however is that slowly burning ember in the depths of who we are that God is constantly feeding.  It never says life will be perfect, or happily ever after.  Hope says, “Take my hand.  You are not alone.  I will bring you through one more day.”  Hope speaks of truth and blessing not sunsets and spells.  Hope has become personified in my life by a woman who says, “life is good,” when so much seems to be wrong.  Hope is finding life and joy where the world might see pain and despair. 

When life get s a little overwhelming the four of us will gather, often with wine, to bolster each other up against life’s storms.  Not often do we actually vocalize the words of faith and hope, but they are ever present in our gatherings.  The one word of this trio that is spoken with frequency is love.  

You see the third of these ladies is one of those people who sees the good in everyone and loves them for that good.  No matter who it is on the complaining block that night, we have come to learn that words of love will be spoken about them before the night is over.  It would be wrong to assume that she never sees a persons faults or flaws.  It is that reality that makes this woman such an example of love.  She loves people despite their flaws, even when those flaws trample on her life.  

It is likely you will see us often together; Faith, Hope, Love, and I.  Learning from each other and strengthening the lives we touch, I pray.

You may wonder what role it is that I have in this group?  I wonder that often myself.  

        With these three I abide; Faith, Hope, and Love,

        May you be blesses with the same.

Do you ever feel like God is really trying to get your attention?

I have had that feeling over the past couple of weeks.

As I have been attempting to settle into my life her in New Rockford, I have been recieving many cards and gifts as encouragement, welcome, and congratulations. It is always wonderful to have such a warm and inviting welcome. It is nice to have so many people reach out and let you know that they are happy for you. It is helpful to have countless people affirm your place in the world. And it has been in the mix of all of these warm wishes that I have noticed God really trying to get a message to me.

You might think it is merely coincidence. I however take it as confirmation that I am where I am meant to be.

You see I recieved a lovely card that had a nice poem on it. The next day, I received two more of the same card. A few days latter another one of the same card was in the mail. This pattern continued and I now have 8 of these cards from various people in four different states.

Sure, there might be a limited number of inspirational cards. Absolutely everyone who sent them loves me and might be biased. Yes, it is a great sentiment that many people would be attracted to.

However, I feel God nudge me every time I open an envelope and see the blue and green card. There was one given to me at my ordination when I was so excited I could see no problems ahead (only for that brief time I assure you!). There was one in my mailbox the first time I opened it. There was one from the congregation I came to. There was one the day I came home so overwhelmed that I felt physically dizzy. There was one the day I got home after leading a funeral for the first time.

The message pops up often. I see God behind it every time it does. Thanks be to God!



I hope all of you read this and know that it is meant for YOU as well!


Dayspring for Hallmark
Poem by Roy Lessin

Just think...
you're here not by chance,
but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you
and made you the person you are.

He compares you to no one else-
you are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that
His grace can't give you.

He has allowed you to be here
at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose
for this generation.

You are God's servent
in God's place
at God's perfect time.

I preached a great sermon yesterday.

Well I participated in a great sermon yesterday.

Actually there was a little idea on the workingpreacher.org website that I held up to the congregation, and it was a wonderful cooperative time of learning.

I had very little to do with it.

However it was such a neat insight that I wanted to share it with you.

Buried in one of the commentaries that I read was a simple statement alluding to the idea that we focus so much on Jesus during the season of Christmas that we do not look at what we learn about God the Father through God the Son.1

The idea really struck me as being very relevant. Don't we learn about parents by watching their children? As a former teacher I know that to be very true. Isn't that why we try to distance ourselves from the disisions they make that we don't like. True I don't have children of my own, but I can still see this behavior in myself. Even with my nieces I do this. Just the other day I found myself saying to another person in the play area at the mall, "They dressed themselves today." Effectively saying, "I had nothing to do with that clothing choice."

Of course in reality I did. I have always encouraged them to feel free to voice their opinions and preferences with me. (If I now regret that at times, I have no one to blame but myself.) Yet in 15 years, when they are able to speak their mind, and have the confidence to stand up to opposition, I will be proud that I helped influence that ability in them.

Yes, we can learn a lot about the adults in a child's life by watching that child.

The same can be said of Jesus. Isn't that the very reason that He was sent to this world, to reveal the very real presence of God in our lives? We learn about God the Parent through watching God the Son. The compassion, the sacrifice, the unending, redeeming, unconditional love that Christ shows in His life, that come through the John 1:1-18 passage about Christ are reflections of the love of the heavenly Father.

Yes we can learn a lot about God the Parent by looking at God the Son.

I encourage you to spend the next three years looking at the lectionary through that lens.

Blessings and Wonder be yours this year!

1. Lewis, Caroline. Commentary on Second Reading for January 2, 2011, Ephesians 1:3-14. workingpreacher.org.

The stark reality that 2010 is over has not quite hit me yet.

I have not written the date yet.

I have not even seen the full date yet.

I have started this day in much the same way I have started everyday since completing my internship and returning to Phoenix.

I have continued in similar habits and activities (including finding a coffee shop so I can work in the familiar environment of busy-ness.)

I keep thinking, "Maybe I should come up with a New Year's resolution."

After all, isn't that why we have them? When we really get down to the heart of whatever we swear we will do differently, doesn't it all come down to the fact that making a change in our lives is the only real way we can actually grab hold of the passing of another year and the entrance into a new one.

Yet if a noticeable, tangible change is what is required for me to recognize the passing of time, I am not sure that I will need a resolution for that.

Tomorrow is a big day for me. Tomorrow a vote is being taken that may change my life in thousands of ways. Even if tomorrow does not go the way I would like it to, the same changes will eventually come my way.

Let's just assume everything will go the way I would like it to.

In that case, I will be planning a move to North Dakota within the next month.

I will begin a call as a pastor of a congregation.

I will embrace a new title, a new home, a new life.

It is all a little daunting, a little intimidating, and a lot exciting.

I could resolve to exercise more.

I could plan on keeping up on correspondence.

I could say I would eat healthier.

I could attempt to actually write a blog entry once a week, or even once a day.

I could pray more, walk more, read more, worry less, listen more, talk less, or stress out less.

Seriously though, do I need one more change coming my way? And which of the above is not going to be accomplished simply by the nature of the huge changes coming my way?

Yes if a change of some kind is what marks the passage of time for us, I think my New Year is well taken care of.

I only pray that the changes that meet you this year are as wonderful and life affirming as the ones rising up to meet me.

Happy New Year!